The truth about makeup
Numerous times throughout my life I’ve been asked the questions “Why do you wear makeup?” or “Why do girls wear makeup?” followed by the usual line of “…because guys don’t give a damn if they do or not,” or “it wastes so much time in the morning.”
I have decided that I should give an answer to these questions once and for all so I will no longer be bothered by them.
This answer requires a deeper understanding of what it is to be a woman, so grab your towels and hold out your thumbs, hitchhikers, and enter the deep dark void that is the female mind.
To understand why a woman does something you must first understand, at least in part, the woman herself.
All of their lives, women have been taught to be detail-oriented.
Every aspect must coordinate with the other. The bedding matches the curtains that match the wallpaper, right down to the flowery little outfits in the pink bureau.
From the very beginning, they’ve dressed us in matching ribbons and bows and then praised us for it.
Years will fly by and she’ll be taught the importance of detail in the things she does. “Don’t forget to dry the dishes completely!” “Don’t wear red and pink together!” “Make sure you vacuum under the bed, too!”
Each little comment ingrains the doctrine further and further.
This detail obsession consumes all other areas of a woman’s life, so why wouldn’t it apply to the appearance of her face?
When she looks in the mirror she notices each freckle and blemish.
She notices the lack of definition in her cheeks, the unfortunate shape of her eyebrows, even the length of her eyelashes.
Because she notices these small things, she automatically assumes that everyone else notices them to the extreme extent that she does.
But she is only half right; only the other women notice.
Just in case you missed that subtle wordsmith-ery, here’s the blunt truth:
WOMEN WEAR MAKEUP FOR OTHER WOMEN!
In all actuality, women are far more critical on each other than men could ever be of them.
If a woman tells a man she gets dressed up for him, she’s either lying or confused.
She gets dressed up to show other women how good she is, and to be intimidating enough to keep them from intruding on her man.
True, some women might actually believe they dress up for men, but I believe what’s really going on is that they have been so detail-indoctrinated they can no longer be honest with themselves.
So there’s the cold, hard truth, whether you can handle it or not: women care more about impressing other women than they do men.
And you thought it was all about you, didn’t you, stud?
